Psalms 68:19 Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah.
I miss writing. I really do. There are a lot of things I like to dabble in and do, but the only thing I really enjoy doing is writing. Even though it seems that my podcast is even more popular than my blog (thank you for listening!), I’d rather write you all a letter than sit in front of a microphone. Which isn’t bad, just different, y’know? The subject at hand for podcasting is always too long for a blog post. In any case, all day long the ideas, the phrases, the outlines form in my head. But unless I jot them down *poof* away they go. I’ve gotten too spoiled to use a pencil and now just wait for computer time. And when it comes, it is short. It’s like getting a mac truck going down the highway, setting it to cruise, and then *road construction* it is stop-start-stop. The Lord knows this. For some reason, I need to let this drive to write go, too.
I’m reading Disciplines of a Godly Woman. It is so good. I don’t mean “SO good” like “ya gotta read this best seller!” I mean “so GOOOOOD” like “it’s just the words I need from a woman sweet and humble enough to share her insight.” This book is re-setting my priorities. Each section, each chapter is a thoughtful exhortation and reminder to put first things first. Like prayer. Like worship. Like contentment and perseverance. I’m reminded that my life is NOT about what makes me happy, but about what the Lord–the God who gave me life and who redeemed me from my sin–wants from me. Like character. Like meekness. Like submission, obedience, a nurturing heart and an open mouth to tell others about Him. What does it matter if I get to do what I like if it means missing out on the work He wants to do in me?
Meekness is a hard road. Some days I feel wronged and misunderstood. Some days I know I am wronged. But what do I have, really? My self-righteousness (feeling like I’m a “good person”)? My morals (feeling like others fall short of my standards)? I’ve been working through The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit. I’m not sharing this because I’m humble enough to (ha) but because I long for that quietness in every moment. I don’t wish to be irked or irritated or provoked anymore. By anyone. Ever. Is that even possible? I do not know. But God is allowing plenty of opportunities in my life to choose the path of snippiness or humility. I want to be by His feet at all times, but sometimes it grieves my haughty spirit to do so. Sometimes the digging out of the thorns of self-righteousness hurts. It just seems better to let them stay there. But I want more of God, and He wants more of me to look like Him. Thornless.
In the midst of these things, the morning sun still continues to show up. What a mercy to have another day, again and again. The air just tastes sweet. Cleaned up from yesterday’s garbage. I never know what the day will bring. Naptime and cuddles? A sold house? A trip to the ER? It is a blessing to just wake up in my bed, to whisper “thank you” to Jesus for another day.