I feel almost sheepish about posting a blog due to the time between visits, but I’ve been trying to focus on some things. For one, I’ve been writing again in my journal on a daily basis and that has been good for me. Part of that was in establishing a habit, and like all habits, it was gritty and mean for a while. I’ve been re-discovering my love of writing, stoked when I was but a child. And then I did something risky and dumb: joined my county’s writing group. Ack! I haven’t been part of a writer’s group for (um….uh…) 19 years. Furthermore, although I love blogging for my readers (you are all so fabulous!), it isn’t the same as writing, rewriting, editing, rewriting some more, ripping my hair out when I’m stuck on a plot and then finally after 28 pages discovering what the whole story is really about (and then of course starting over again). This isn’t re-inventing myself. It’s remembering myself.
And oh yeah, when I was a kid, I liked to paint. And use scissors. And as an adult I have been flush with tools but not with time (supposedly). Besides, nothing I could ever create would come even close to what was in my brain of how I wanted it (whatever “it” was) to look like anyway. So my children got the colored pencils, the art lessons, the art quality paper. Me? I got all of the books to read about doing art, to supposedly inspire me but it mostly ended up as eye candy that got my heart sick with the fat of envy. My current goal is to create something every week, start to finish, no matter how small. And I bought my very own paints and now I make my very own mess. And I am learning to be kind to myself, to combat negative self-talk with the encouragement I would give to anybody else except for me.
One of the things I did was attack my closet. O-u-t went everything that didn’t fit me nicely or had baby spit up on it from who knows how many babies ago. It was a bit of a downer when it was all said and done; my closet was bare! But slowly I am building up a wardrobe again, a shirt here, new socks there. I can fit my whole wardrobe into a large suitcase, there really isn’t much, but at least it all looks nice on me. I cut my hair, too, short. My natural hair is wavy and I was wearing it long all the time. I love it now, with it’s spunky look (and no hair bands!). My husband likes it too. He’s growing out a beard, which I like.
I ran my first 5K, bought a bicycle, put up my loom for sale and ripped apart my kitchen cabinets to paint them. A rainy-day garage sale netted me almost $400 with nothing priced (“just whatever you think is fair…”), my Dad surprised me with a Kindle, I let magazine subscriptions lapse and sold my entire beekeeping operation. Things are in a disarray and yet I truly believe order is coming.
The Lord is still good and He is still faithful. And I will have more to share soon.