The cusp of autumn finds me in the same manner: on the cusp of autumn. Gone the spring of girlhood, I feel the waning of summer, too. I am finding myself more in the quiet places, and choosing to stay there more, allowing the river of worldly madness and energies to flow right on by. I stay home more, satisfied and contented with snuggling into my nest, forsaking even the radio blather that never seems to edify or encourage, but threatens and frightens. I blog less than I used to, noting other mothers are sharing similar stories and helps that I would offer anyway. And although the dozens of books by my bedside say otherwise, I’ve kept my nose in only a few books at a time, my Bible some days being the only one I savor. A daily journal entry, a few letters to write, a pie or two to bake, some evening artwork or stitching. Quiet.
I’ve found a quiet place in my relationships, too. I used to worry myself over what I did or said wrong, or how come I was treated “thusly”, or why I was misunderstood, or who I may have offended, or how to tiptoe around situations in which I felt very wronged (are you seeing the “I…I….I..”? Ugh. So self-focused.) It’s not that I didn’t/don’t care anymore; a loving relationship with everyone would be delightful. But only God can change hearts, and as long as mine was humble toward God and at peace, theirs were His business. Learning to guard my heart more brought, and brings, me quiet, too, as my desires for better relationships stopped becoming something my heart needed.
Cleaning out and redecorating my home has helped me to prioritize how I want to spend my time and money, also. For example, here I am on a five acre farm-ette…and yet sometimes I think of living with no animals to take care of or a bunch of land to manage. Homesteading can lend itself to quiet, but it is not always the wistful wonderful live-on-the-land life, either. Sometimes the water lines in the greenhouse break, the goats get out, the dogs eat the crops and the hens start killing off each other… usually when the man isn’t home and the baby is crying and supper is boiling over. Sometimes the farm runs you.
What about you? Does your life ever feel like you’re on the other end of a leash with a crazy dog the size of a bus yanking you along? It doesn’t have to be that way. For starters, turn off the technology and seek God during that time instead. I think His small, still voice is louder when our hearts and lives are quiet. I’m sorry it took me to autumn to begin to learn these things, but I am thankful for the beauty He gives to me through this season in my life. I am blessed. I hope you know that you are, too.
You can read more thoughts on “seasons” this week at other High Five Mom posts. Leave them a comment and tell them I sent you.