For better and worse, I’ve been in consumption mode and that is one reason I’ve been lacking in producing much of anything meaningful and worth the time either to write or to ask anyone to read. My absence here has been sniffed out even by more aggressive spammers, and I find myself logging on just to clear out the hundreds upon hundreds of comments that are enthralled with my blog design, clear writing and worthwhile information. It’s a bit akin to scraping out the crud under the sink plugs.
Some of what I’ve been reading and researching has been an impetus to think new thoughts, make changes, take risks and to focus on new skill sets. These sorts of affairs stretch me to keep learning and growing. I thrive on challenges, setting new goals, reaching for more.
But sometimes I’m not “thriving”. I find myself in a drunken stupor of information overload, where the best I can do at the end of it all is eat a bowl of ice cream with fatigued eyes and brain smarts and more than a slight discomfort over how much more I have to learn, do, plan for and practice. And of course my time frame is always, “right now”.
Right now, I want to know things. Right now, I want to grow in my skill sets. Right now, I want the look, the feel, the knowledge and the energy. Naturally, I realize I will not master these things “right now” but I long to at least set goals and work the schedule to pick at them. So I fiddle with the clipboard and paper and pencil (my computer will never be as important as those tools) along with my ice cream and make the LISTS. It’s like a lengthy menu plan with which I need to buffet my way through in order to achieve the goals I’ve set. It involves YouTube videos and classes and time and study and more time and a good heap of books sitting in my shopping cart on Amazon. And, I devour all of the information offered to me through blogs and more books and folks of various stripes. Sometimes I make myself dizzy with it all and end up with yet more ice cream to help its digestion! And the wee hours beckon to me, night lights and nursing babes besides, additional hours to gorge myself with yet more information.
I didn’t say all of the consumption was good.
Two questions I recently scratched out onto green sticky notes and set before my face on my desk.
1. What are you working on today?
2. Does it advance God’s kingdom?
Oh yes, my answers were and are self-affirming. Of course these are all worth working on or I wouldn’t be doing them. Of course it all advances God’s kingdom. Of course…(???)
Matthew 11:30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Psalms 127:2 It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. 1 Corinthians 1:3 Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ……
I’m not sure what all the rush is, really, and what drives the “right now”. Even if I accomplished everything tomorrow, there would be more to do. And I’m not so sure I want to sprint like a wild woman to the end of my life. Running the race ought to be a purposeful plodding. I need to contemplate my overeating and slow down, look at my schedule again and plan for smaller, more meaningful portions. All of this “right now” thinking has only gotten me to feeling bloated in brain and body, and I need a detox (“I know…I’ll blog about it and download my brain…”).
Maybe tomorrow I put tea, a board game, and a nap on my list of to-do’s. Maybe I skip the list altogether. Maybe tomorrow I just work on tuning my ears to my Friend Jesus, to really hear what He has to say. Somehow I think He’s been waiting for me.