Or not. This is what *I’ve* been doing.
Ever since we tried to sell our house and then took it off the dumpy market, I’ve been turning it all upside down and redecorating, repainting, replanting, re-re-re-thinking about how to make the house I was (and still am, in a sense) ready to walk away from, into my *home* again. I decluttered multiple van loads to Goodwill and gained hundreds of dollars at garage sales, and started putting things into places that maybe were not “correct” but made me happy: like putting up piles of folded QUILTS behind the glass cabinets in the KITCHEN because I never really liked all of that china I used maybe four times in the last two decades anyway. Currently I’m looking for a ladder to hang in the kitchen on the ceiling. Why? Because I want to hang my herbs from the rungs. Gone are the thoughts of what looks like “it could sell” and finally settling in are thoughts of ”this is Keri Mae‘s nest”.
Adding to that, my husband decided we needed a farm-ette break and although I dragged (and cried) a bit, I concurred. The front garden is going away this fall and the livestock is slowly disappearing ala Craig’s List. And because of predators we weren’t expecting and no one invited. As everything goes, though, I can’t help but wonder: What am I supposed to do now with five whole acres and empty barns?
I don’t know. I guess that’s called floundering, that space in the “I don’t know” world. What to do? Have you ever been in that space of just not knowing what/where/how and when?
In the meantime, I am staying busy, even while floundering in the land of YoNoSe’. I am using my recent energies towards furthering my herbal and natural health studies, and am continuing to put together emergency supplies and resources for my family (something I’ve wanted to do for a long time; I thank the Lord we haven’t had a reason to need any of that yet). We got our will together (which we laugh about, because really, there’s nothing but an old 1995 Civic to pass along…). I am still writing: to myself, to friends, to dreams of publishing in the big marketplace of ideas. I am art-ing, loving mixed media especially, and I’m reading easily thirty-plus books all at once. Oh, and oh yeah, I’m still raising and homeschooling seven children–that takes some time too More: I’m under the care and supervision of a friend who is making me dress a little nicer with clothes that have no holes and that fit (thank you!), making time for massage, for tea breaks with friends, and inviting more people over to our house.
It’s still very active in these parts. I just feel like my compass has moved and I’m not sure where the boat is going yet. Maybe I’m floating, not floundering.
Anyhow. Know what I mean? Yes.
This is the rough mural drawing that two friends are going to paint onto my kitchen cabinets. I wanted a dandelion for multiple reasons. And why can’t I paint a mural across my kitchen cabinets (that are now green, by the way…)
Here’s a little birthday card I made for a friend. That was a fun thing to do, drawing and cutting and watercoloring one afternoon. I hope she likes it.
I recently got a new toy. The strap I got from Sassy Strap years ago when I was playing with my 35mm Nikon. But now, oooh, I can join the digital age!
Of course I don’t really know how to use it yet. No worries, I have a 13 year old boy that is my personal IT guy. So here is the first “Yes, I now have a DSLR camera and here is the standard what-I-had-for-breakfast shot.” Grain-free pumpkin pancakes, sausage, egg omelette, and bulletproof coffee with whip (because everything tastes better with whip). I loooooove bulletproof coffee; so creamy, so filling, so satisfying. On the downsize, it sorta ruined coffee shops for me (it all tastes like pretty weak coffee-water to me now) but I guess that’s not too bad a thing on the pocketbook. And yes indeed, everything tastes better with a Stampington magazine on the side.
I guess, overall, floundering’s not so bad. I wish I knew the road map, but the walk along the way isn’t so bad, and the opportunities for side roads and new things to experience and see are ever before me. I’m sad about some of the changes we’re going through, but I’m not going to just sit on my hiney pining for what can’t be right now. Moving forward, I trust God has already paved the way.