On my walk across the river for my Audio Log
Pen twirling in my fingers. Eyes staring through the window, watching the jays hop from cedar to cedar. They’re squawking. I’m waiting.
I’ve learned to just “show up” for a time of writing. I wish I had some pin-worthy pithy and inspiring quotation pasted to my desk that would make it easier for me to sit down and write, something utterly compelling and so full of yes and amen or for all practical purposes demanding in its insistence that I scribble out some ink. But, no. I come to the desk, obedient to routine, and wait. I have to. I’m a writer. And writers who don’t write are…ahhh…a wee grumpy.
Almost everything I write comes from a scratchy journal entry, and it was pleasurable to recently come across the initial notes for my book, Present. Writing a “real life book” has been a dream of mine since childhood. This one sort of tumbled out of my soul. I didn’t expect it. I had just “showed up” with the pen in hand. Here are some of the notes from March of 2013:
Maybe I’ve been given an idea for a book. Title-ish: Present At Home, Finding a Life…)
How to Live a Real Life Outside of the Computer
my story–online chat room with long distant friend
my vision (and how to find yours)
peace with yourself and focus on your real life; integrity, honesty, courage
forgive, forget, forgo
let the past go
time management (decide on online time)
10 ways to cultivate a real life:
seek God (holy longings)
read real books and savor them
make some new friends
revive old interests
spend time outside
consider your living space/redecorate/paint
write it out (journals, letters, etc)
invest in people
experience something new
do nothing (solitude, quietness, saying no)
stretch your time, stretch your life, how to manage your online time before it pushes you around
Ten days later, I wrote…
I’m really liking my book idea…I think I can do this. Am I really saying this? Why do I think I can do this?!!….
Goats are bellowing for feeding time. Pretty soon it will be my children adding to the chorus so I better get myself up and going…
Writing that book and seeing it published was–and is–so sweet. So many of you are reconnecting with old friends, or powering down the cell phone before coming home, or blowing the dust off your scrapbooking supplies. You all inspire me, too.
All of those old interests are waiting for you. All of those dusty boxes in the attic are calling you. You used to love drawing. You used to love the feel of the wind in your hair as your rode your bicycle. You used to hold hands more with your honey. Or, maybe, like me, you wrote and wrote and wrote.
I don’t know all that comes from the longing and effort to live life more deliberately, because I am still in that struggle to do so. I fall a lot, but every day it’s just a little step forward. Every day I see a little bit better.
Recently, I looked for a couple of my favorite bloggers. Both have left the internet, both sites deactivated. I know why. In order for them to “show up” for their Real Lives, they had to let go of that which was draining it. I’ve been there. Some days, I think I am there again. Plus, oddities of electrical whatevers are plaguing my hands when I am on the computer lately. Maybe it’s a sign of things to come.
You could tease out those old childhood dreams, too. All you really need to do is just show up for those things you are wanting to cultivate. And stop showing up for the things you don’t.